little o' this, little o' that
Have you accepted change as your personal saviour? If not, then get with it. You know, change really is inevitable. It is impossible to live out an entire life of sameness. Personally, I enjoy change - it happens on its own agenda. We're rarely ready for it. Often I think, "If only I could have had a little more time before everything changed". But, I know that more time wouldn't have made a difference. It would only have served to ensconce me deeper into my fallacy of safety and predictability. Yes, change is good. Change is natural.
I have been thinking a lot lately. Thinking about everything under the sun. My life is so full right now and I feel such an overabundance of excitement about being alive. Of course, this feeling is also always followed by classic hypochondriac’s self-talk.
"Hmmm, has that lump at the base of my neck always been there? Oh my god, I bet it's a tumor.”
“Ow, ow, ow, blinding pain in my right temple...must be a tumor.”
“Heart is palpitating, a heart attack is imminent. I just know that my heart is going to stop suddenly. I'll be one of those stories - '30 year old woman drops dead of heart attack. No known cause."
Ya, you guessed it. I'm a freak.
J is trying to get me to fly to Mexico in January. I don't know when or why I started to be petrified of flying. I know that I had a terrible experience on my first flight to Australia (18 hours thank you very much) and ever since I have hated flying. Actually, funny story, my new-found fear of flying was part of what kept me down under for so long. I almost didn't come back at all just to avoid that flight. Then, the second time I flew to Oz I just pretended that I wasn't actually in the air at all (didn't really work, I lived through an 18 hour panic attack both ways). Now, I just don't know if I'm up for the challenge. I have heard that Ativan works to allay fear and make the user not care much about anything, but I've never been a real fan of prescription drugs. I just don't know.
People always try to calm me be telling me about the airplanes being completely safe. You can tell me about all the back-up systems that exist and how flying is safer than driving until you’re blue in the face. But, here's the reason that I don't like to fly. IF something does happen and I end up on a plane that IS careening out of control, plummeting towards the earth and my immediate death, I will torture myself with thoughts of "why did I get on this plane?" I'm not scared of flying, per say, I'm scared of dying. And, more importantly, I'm scared of knowing that I'm going to die before it actually happens. So, there you have it. The one and only thing that I am scared of in this world: death. Yep, that pretty much covers it.
I have been thinking a lot lately. Thinking about everything under the sun. My life is so full right now and I feel such an overabundance of excitement about being alive. Of course, this feeling is also always followed by classic hypochondriac’s self-talk.
"Hmmm, has that lump at the base of my neck always been there? Oh my god, I bet it's a tumor.”
“Ow, ow, ow, blinding pain in my right temple...must be a tumor.”
“Heart is palpitating, a heart attack is imminent. I just know that my heart is going to stop suddenly. I'll be one of those stories - '30 year old woman drops dead of heart attack. No known cause."
Ya, you guessed it. I'm a freak.
J is trying to get me to fly to Mexico in January. I don't know when or why I started to be petrified of flying. I know that I had a terrible experience on my first flight to Australia (18 hours thank you very much) and ever since I have hated flying. Actually, funny story, my new-found fear of flying was part of what kept me down under for so long. I almost didn't come back at all just to avoid that flight. Then, the second time I flew to Oz I just pretended that I wasn't actually in the air at all (didn't really work, I lived through an 18 hour panic attack both ways). Now, I just don't know if I'm up for the challenge. I have heard that Ativan works to allay fear and make the user not care much about anything, but I've never been a real fan of prescription drugs. I just don't know.
People always try to calm me be telling me about the airplanes being completely safe. You can tell me about all the back-up systems that exist and how flying is safer than driving until you’re blue in the face. But, here's the reason that I don't like to fly. IF something does happen and I end up on a plane that IS careening out of control, plummeting towards the earth and my immediate death, I will torture myself with thoughts of "why did I get on this plane?" I'm not scared of flying, per say, I'm scared of dying. And, more importantly, I'm scared of knowing that I'm going to die before it actually happens. So, there you have it. The one and only thing that I am scared of in this world: death. Yep, that pretty much covers it.
posted by wattlebla at 07:46
1 Comments:
"Hmmm, has that lump at the base of my neck always been there? Oh my god, I bet it's a tumor.”
“Ow, ow, ow, blinding pain in my right temple...must be a tumor.”
“Heart is palpitating, a heart attack is imminent. I just know that my heart is going to stop suddenly"........ oh god do I hear that voice!!!
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