i'm an adult now

On some misguided notion that it might be "fun" we took the kids to Metrotown tonight for dinner at the food court, a trip to the Apple store (daddy), a trip to the dress shop (mama) and a trip to the big-box store for a booster seat (sniff, no more car seats!). Was not "fun". Was a gong show. A1 is obsessed with guns lately. Despite a lifetime of being denied television, movies and all "character" books and influences he has managed, through osmosis alone, to learn every single blaster sound from all six Star Wars movies. Now, I am a huuuuuge Star Wars fan, however once I've spent an hour listening to a little boy repeatedly make blaster sounds and pretend to shoot his sister and all the other shoppers I'm f'ing hating George Lucas and anything to do with Industrial Light and Magic. A2, for her part is completely 4 years old. She is asserting her independence while also driving me f'ing nuts! Whining, crying, getting overtired... she was almost sucked into the escalator twice...well, ,maybe that's a slight exageration. But she did fling the dressing room curtain open while I was half naked and storm out because I wouldn't let her try on my bra...I'm terrified for the teenage years.

After the trip was done though, as we were driving home in silence, I thought, "This moment will never be repeated. They will never be this age again." Just like every moment with the kids up to now and every moment after this point...I love it all. I miss having them as babies and someday I'm going to miss having them as preschoolers and someday I'm going to realise that I just miss them and why the f*** won't they call me back. So, I just look at J and smile and shrug of the stress and the tiredness and the reality of rarely having a quiet moment to myself or getting to do what I want...because it's all awesome and I love them like crazy.