spew

So June 1st hit and suddenly I'm vibrating with stress and tension. I think I'm okay, but the pending move/changes/finality of everything is starting to creep into my thoughts and play keep away with my confidence. All I want to do right now is run. I'm averaging 55 kms per week now, 5 days on two days off. I came in 8th place in a 22 km trail race last weekend and I think I want to try and actually race the 50 km in December...but then I also think, I have no control over what happens. One run at a time, that's as far ahead as I can see. Next race is June 15th and then I'm schedule free until training starts again in mid-August. Not sure how I feel about going "structure-free" for a few weeks; could be a good thing, could be devastating. All depends on how I cope with the move.

The best and worst part of life right now is the stark reality of it all. I have taken the truest path hoping that it's going to set me free. If I can sustain the resolve I feel to accept that I've chosen the "harder" life then I know everything will be fine. Of course, I've chosen the life that makes me feel the most like myself, so how can that possibly backfire?