ramshackle

Have been wondering lately, what is it that makes some of us so nihilistic? Why are some people so acutely aware of the finite measure of their existence? I feel that my relationship with death and the unknown is actually what gives me the ability to enjoy my life so profoundly, but at the same time it is also what separates me permanently from some people. There is a great lonely sadness that accompanies living with the reality that I will one day cease to exist. Alternately, there is also a great freedom and appreciation for life that is unattainable for people who don't face their mortality everyday. I don't see how ignorance in this regard could ever lead to bliss; bliss/peace requires authentication and authentication requires accrual of information and truth. You can't have one without the other.

Last night, had one of those dreams where everyone I’ve ever known is present. It was a large house party in a white and black house on top of a gladed hill. It was nice to see everyone briefly, but the focus of the dream was the house – room after room opened up as I explored. Through every doorway was another passage and I never did make contact with an exterior wall. I’ve read that houses in dreams represent the mind and have always marvelled at how the houses in my dreams seem endless. They also seem dilapidated, incongruous and disorganised, but that is to be expected.

Am officially tired of parenting alone. J will be home Monday...am sooooo glad we don't have to do this very often.