coming down off summer

A long time between posts these days, my personal journals have been getting a lot more attention lately. Today I woke up to 'Fogust' and was reminded quickly how connected my moods are to meteorological happenings. I feel adrift. I know this is also because of the last week; being away from my children for 7 days has been so enlightening and difficult. It's also been a gift because I can re-enter my life as a mother today with gratitude and respect for what I have, for my beautiful, chaotic, heartbreaking life as a mother to two rapidly growing children. I have missed them like I would miss a piece of myself.

I knew back in December that this year would be pivotal, that there were changes on the horizon and that I was finally going to have make some decisions and choices that would not be easy. Going through life I find it hard sometimes not to regret past decisions, not to cry over lost time. Lately I have silenced those feeling and tried to replace them with gratitude and respect; to remember how lucky I am for every moment of my life up to this point. Even more, I feel thankful that I am still learning and growing and open to change. Gratitude, respect, humility, grace and love...my mantra lately. And, if I'm completely honest, I'm proud of who I am. Proud that I can find my own way, that I have the courage to takes risks and seek out happiness and personal truth. This feeling that I have of being un-tethered... it is scary, but also full of possibility. I can honestly ask myself the question, "What do I want?"

Sooooo, I better run today, I need to lift this veil of melancholy and revive my internal summer...otherwise, it's going to be a looooong day ;)