update
Better days. That's what I'm seeing. Although, Sunday was a dark one. But I'm going to chalk that one up to the dismal weather and some serious missing. I guess there are going to be ups and downs; without running I've lost my coping mechanism. Either way, I can feel progress happening. Maybe not progress in the healing, because honestly I'm not sensing any improvement there, but progress in how I'm dealing with everything and processing each new challenge.
Speaking of which, the latest challenge is that my arms are now in constant agony. I can't lift my left arm or straighten it out fully; a by-product of crutching around for 15 days I suppose. I have to laugh thinking, "do I have to go to physio for my f*ing arms now!?" Because I just don't have the cash to support that right now. Anyway, am falling asleep every night visualizing my arms being strong and with the positive attitude that I will wake-up with arms that work again...to be continued.
School is going okay. I really thought that with all the down time being off my feet that I would fly ahead in the assignments. But, my brain has been so drunk on pity and confusion and sadness that I really haven't used my time any better than I would have if I was busy with running and regular life. In fact, I'm dumber than I am when I'm exercising regularly. Feels that way anyway. My new plan is to continue trying to build up the pool running to 3 or 4 times per week - as long as I have no pain. The exercise is good for my sanity and apparently pool running can help to maintain fitness for up to 8 weeks. That being said, today was a different kind of triumph. I had planned to workout but felt super tired and sore. So, I listened to my body and napped instead. Yep, turning over a new leaf. I will learn to tell the difference between the days when my body needs recovery and the days when my body needs/can be pushed. I can and will train smarter.
The in-love thing. I mentioned it a couple of posts ago, it's not without trepidation. I didn't plan on falling in love right now. It's not a convenient time, or a particularly convenient situation. I have wrestled with it, I have tried to squelch it. But, he's a really special person and so I guess I've decided to commit to it and see where things go without any expectations. It feels nice to be involved with someone who inspires and delights me, feels very nice to be in that place.
One thing that I still can't help wondering about is (yes, I'm back to thinking about running and injury again), how did this happen? I am always so curious about the cause and effect of our actions. As I re-read my journals and look back over my training plan form the past few months I think I am starting to put the pieces together and truly understand the mechanism of this injury. I can't believe how focused I was on the results of my training. How completely dis-connected I had become with what really and truly felt okay. I'm proud that I have the capacity to be an athlete, but I need some coaching on how to tame the competitive spirit that drives me. Goals for the future. Gratitude, grace, humility, respect. And limits.
Speaking of which, the latest challenge is that my arms are now in constant agony. I can't lift my left arm or straighten it out fully; a by-product of crutching around for 15 days I suppose. I have to laugh thinking, "do I have to go to physio for my f*ing arms now!?" Because I just don't have the cash to support that right now. Anyway, am falling asleep every night visualizing my arms being strong and with the positive attitude that I will wake-up with arms that work again...to be continued.
School is going okay. I really thought that with all the down time being off my feet that I would fly ahead in the assignments. But, my brain has been so drunk on pity and confusion and sadness that I really haven't used my time any better than I would have if I was busy with running and regular life. In fact, I'm dumber than I am when I'm exercising regularly. Feels that way anyway. My new plan is to continue trying to build up the pool running to 3 or 4 times per week - as long as I have no pain. The exercise is good for my sanity and apparently pool running can help to maintain fitness for up to 8 weeks. That being said, today was a different kind of triumph. I had planned to workout but felt super tired and sore. So, I listened to my body and napped instead. Yep, turning over a new leaf. I will learn to tell the difference between the days when my body needs recovery and the days when my body needs/can be pushed. I can and will train smarter.
The in-love thing. I mentioned it a couple of posts ago, it's not without trepidation. I didn't plan on falling in love right now. It's not a convenient time, or a particularly convenient situation. I have wrestled with it, I have tried to squelch it. But, he's a really special person and so I guess I've decided to commit to it and see where things go without any expectations. It feels nice to be involved with someone who inspires and delights me, feels very nice to be in that place.
One thing that I still can't help wondering about is (yes, I'm back to thinking about running and injury again), how did this happen? I am always so curious about the cause and effect of our actions. As I re-read my journals and look back over my training plan form the past few months I think I am starting to put the pieces together and truly understand the mechanism of this injury. I can't believe how focused I was on the results of my training. How completely dis-connected I had become with what really and truly felt okay. I'm proud that I have the capacity to be an athlete, but I need some coaching on how to tame the competitive spirit that drives me. Goals for the future. Gratitude, grace, humility, respect. And limits.
posted by wattlebla at 19:46
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