using time the wrong way
I'm so jealous of everyone who is out running today. How can I turn these negative thoughts into positive? What if I can never run again?
Back and forth between thoughts of returning to a more zen state of non-competitive running (bargaining with the running gods..."If you let me go back I won't seek glory, I will be humble and pious) and going back to kill every race available and trashing all my PR's (F*ck you world...I'm going to come back better and stronger bitches!) Ya, neither train of thought is productive or mature.
I keep wondering how I would have dealt with this situation if I was still married; if I was still living in that unhappy, but easier life. I feel like I might not have had as much reason to keep fighting. So, for that I feel lucky in most ways right now. I can find gratitude very easily.
I'm procrastinating right now. Am spending this amazing Sunday alternating between work and writing essays (very behind in both school and job at the moment). I wish I was out in the mountains. I wish I was running.
Back and forth between thoughts of returning to a more zen state of non-competitive running (bargaining with the running gods..."If you let me go back I won't seek glory, I will be humble and pious) and going back to kill every race available and trashing all my PR's (F*ck you world...I'm going to come back better and stronger bitches!) Ya, neither train of thought is productive or mature.
I keep wondering how I would have dealt with this situation if I was still married; if I was still living in that unhappy, but easier life. I feel like I might not have had as much reason to keep fighting. So, for that I feel lucky in most ways right now. I can find gratitude very easily.
I'm procrastinating right now. Am spending this amazing Sunday alternating between work and writing essays (very behind in both school and job at the moment). I wish I was out in the mountains. I wish I was running.
posted by wattlebla at 13:14
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