aftermath

What a month. Well, I guess just over a month since technically all the fun started in May. Anyway, the fun is about to end, forcibly, as I am 6 weeks pregnant. I'll find out on Monday for sure if things are good and the pregnancy is viable (my tube problems and all), but honestly I feel pretty pregnant right now and would be surprised if it's not in the right place. So, my two months of freedom comes to an abrupt end. I almost can't believe that it's only been 2 months since I stopped breastfeeding and rejoined the ranks of regular people. Now, I'm faced with the prospect of 8 months of pregnancy and another 18, or so, with a babe attached to me. Don't know how I feel about it, but there is no perfect time to have a baby - it's a long haul for us mommies. If I am pregnant, this baby has saved me a little since it buys me another 2 years before I have to make any decisions about my life. Sounds terrible, I know, but babyhood is so all consuming that it really defies any sort of "purpose hunting" in life.

As far as the outcome of the ultrasound on Monday, I don't really have a preference. The pregnancy is a surprise, as in "not planned"; we weren't planning on having another child until A was 3 years old, or so. But, it would be nice to get it out of the way, to get my life back while I still have some vestige of youth left. On the other hand, I have some really awesome plans for the summer that involve sports unsuitable for pregnant women and copious amounts of alcohol. It would be nice to be able to enjoy not sharing my body with anyone for a little while longer. So, either way, there are pros and cons. I kind of like having the decision made for me though - I do hate making decisions.