harrumph

So. Here we are. School is back in session, the kids are taking on grades 3 and 1 this year. I am fully into this new solo life having been separated from J now for over a year. I'm a student, doing quite well in most areas and learning lots on my way to a BA in 2017. Work is so-so, but is still giving me the flexibility I need to spend time with kids and school. I'm doing okay.

No passion though. Everything is flat. I want to find joy again, it's just a little elusive at the moment. Things have been spiralling downward for a couple of weeks - sort of ever since I noticed the days getting shorter and truly faced the reality that my summer was going to pass me by without ever once being able to take a step with my right leg. My feet have not stepped in the mountains for 15 weeks, my ears haven't heard the stillness of the forest. Even the simple things around the city, like the dee-doo's and the city vistas, and the clouds against blue sky are not inducing the needed appreciation of joy and beauty. I've stopped telling people I'm okay. I can't fake it anymore. And honestly, I just don't want to see anyone because I can't stand being like this. I hate me like this.