and ________ was his namo.

It’s been difficult for me to write lately – I just don’t seem to be able to concentrate on any one thing for very long. Also, in one of the weirdest twists, the major side-effect that I seem to be experiencing these days is happiness. No more black thoughts, no more worry induced insomnia, no more down-in-the-dumps days…thanks to the hormones I’m actually happy all the time. It’s really bizarre. Of course, I worry a bit about what will happen when the hormones are gone and I’m left with a screaming child and a body that doesn’t resemble my image of “me”. But for now, I’m just trying to enjoy the feeling of being happy .

I guess the other reason for not writing very much is that I don’t really have a lot to say, except for “baby talk”, and I don’t want to bore the few of you who still check in regularly. I wish that I could say I have been successful in thinking about other things. I wish I could say that I haven’t become one of those people who are baby-crazy but, I have. All I think about is this baby. Every time he/she moves my heart reels with satisfaction and love. Of course, in day to day life I try hard to hide this fact. I refuse to fall into the trap of releasing personal information about my indigestion and hemorrhoids to every person at work who asks and I even try my best to talk to J about his work before I launch into an evening of supposition, planning and wonderment about the baby. Which brings me to another thought I had last night (although still related to the topic at hand, sigh) J really has no sense of this person yet. I mean, sure, he’ll put his hand on my belly when I tell him there’s some movement and I know he digs it, but I also know that he doesn’t spend every waking minute thinking about the little creature. So what does a father think about? Turns out he thinks constantly about how he can take care of us. He has turned into the ultimate provider and protector. Instinct, you just can’t escape it.

So, in keeping with my baby thoughts I have a question to put out. Does anyone have any really great ideas for names that thy aren’t planning on using themselves? I’m stumped. It seems that every name I pick is somewhere on the top 50 list from last years baby names and I’m adamant about not giving this child a name that is so popular they have to go by last initial in class. I was lucky enough to have a name that was rarely used (in the seventies anyway, now my name is insanely popular) so I had a unique identity. Then, there are other considerations; like the last name and how it “fits” with the first name (gotta think about teasing) and how it sounds when people say it out loud. For instance, I like the name Martin a lot, but no one says “Mar-Tin” anymore; they say “Mar-Din” turning the T into a D which sounds terrible. Maybe I’m over thinking things a bit but it honestly feels like a big deal to have to choose the moniker that this person has to identify themselves with for the rest of his/her life.

So anyway, suggestions are welcome. If I choose your name I’ll give you a prize.