resist emotion, remain logical

Anyone who is awake is feeling the dissent rippling through our global community these days. It's difficult to imagine having a platform of fame to use as an amplifier for social reform ideas...people who do so are brave, but often times come across as angry zealots who are too enraged to be taken seriously. This man is far more vulcan in his ways...

"I write this without outburst; a staunch non-terrorist, quietly, calmly and composedly, as I mourn the loss of the land."

Morrissey
16 November 2013

 Exciting times.

running

Is. Seriously. Addictive.

This morning's 10km.

I have been running, off and on, for 20 years now. This is the best it has ever been. I remember reading in my late twenties that most athletes reach their peak endurance abilities around age 38; apparently after that is a good 10 year run of peak athletic endurance ability that declines at such a minimal pace I could easily still be running when I'm seventy (maybe with a new knee or two ;))

I finally understand the relationships between mechanics, nutrition and performance. I am finally (knock on wood here) injury free. I am finally one of those people who can effortlessly knock off a 15 km trail-run on the weekend. But, I keep asking myself, am I one of those "race-y" people? There is a local race coming up in March that combines a 25km trail run and a 30km MTB ride. The last time I raced MTB'ing was 15 years ago, but at least I've done it. I am confident enough in my skills to know that I could finish a 30km MTB ride and be nowhere near the back of the pack. But, the run terrifies me. Running is such a mental sport and relies so heavily on minutiae that can change from day to day and have great impact on performance. It's fun to be competitive with myself...not sure if I want to compete against others.

Found an inspiring essay here: Tennessee Williams - The Catastrophe of Success - I think it applies to anyone who has "made it" and is feeling that loss of awe with life that seems so prevalent in our society of excess.

that's absurd

The absurd is born out of this confrontation between the human need and the unreasonable silence of the world. - Camus

I can't remember a time when I haven't been concerned with life's absence of meaning; it used to cause me so much stress. I realised recently that since having children I've learned to create my own sense of meaning and purpose. I have finally achieved the ultimate freedom; no system applies to me anymore, I make my own choices and live the way I want. I know that I read Camus when I was younger, but I didn't fully understand it. I thought it was anarchistic...and in some ways it is, but mainly the intent is to free humans from bondage. What I love most about the idea of absurdism is the concept of this complete and utter personal freedom. It is the ultimate revolt.

Christmas is coming...soon-ish. For the past two years we have flown out to a hot place on Boxing Day, much to the chagrin of my family. The kids were young enough that we just moved everything forward by a day; "Santa's been here!!", when it's really only the 24th is fun but weird...it's important to avoid the neighbourhood kids who are on the real calendar. This year, in honour of the fact that my brother finally has a girlfriend to bring to the table, we won't leave until the 30th. I am looking forward to a less rushed Christmas...letting the kids wake up on Boxing Day to lounge around in pyjamas playing with new toys until noon, family walks on the boulevard, enjoying our tree for a little bit longer, maybe even a day on the mountain. The kids are growing up so fast, they will only be 6 and 4 once, in a few years we'll be done with 'Santa' and we can go back to jetting out on Boxing Day;)

simple pleasures

A 13 km run in the misty forest. Snow, water, mud, fresh air...breathing it all in. What a great morning.

The kids are a gong show today, fighting at every turn unless I give 100% supervision. A1 is struggling with the idea of growing up; ever since he lost his first tooth has been foul. I look at him and marvel at the fact that he is becoming an individual right before my eyes. I miss the days when my whole life revolved around his needs, but at the same time am so excited to see how this person develops; to see who he becomes. A2 is in a strange phase as well. She seems so much older at this age than her brother was; I guess it's true that the second one grows up so much more quickly. Today the tears were about being the littlest - I feel for her, being in a family of people who are all the oldest sibling, she must get tired of asserting herself.

Have been thinking a lot about nostalgia. It is an unreal state. I can make myself feel nostalgic for times before I was even born. It seems like nostalgia is literally a mental vacation from the present. An all encompassing moment of descent into the "grass is greener". Truly it is just re-written history, edited to seem more perfect than the present; romanticized versions of our own past that bear little resemblance to the reality. I wonder how people may have felt about life when all they had to do was survive. How many “stand-out” memories did the average pioneer have...two, three? In comparison we’re so spoiled, we take and take and even then we’re unhappy because of the myriad of choices we didn’t make or take and the regrets we have. Maybe the reason that people suffer nostalgia for other eras is simply the idea of simplicity. The idea of less choice and slower paced lives. 

Finished Atwood's latest, thinking that I should now take a break from speculative fiction for a while.

oh my wattlebla...

See it here.

I can close my eyes and smell the eucalyptus...;)