nye

45 minutes until my new year begins...I don't have much to say. Last year was a doozie. I accomplished everything I set out to do, and way more. I have such optimism and excitement about the coming year and all the adventures and opportunities that are on the horizon. Mothering, running, writing, learning, loving, travelling and just generally being open to life and every beautiful moment it has to offer. Gratitude, grace, humility, respect, love. Happy 2015!

the top of the hill is still a ways away

Quick post on the eve of completing my 40th year and I do really have so many thing I wish to think and say and write, but as usual, I am in a rush. I feel a bit as though I've been avoiding having any kind of reconciliation with my 30's. I feel as though I thought way more about the significance of entering a new decade a few months ago than I have been lately. It's partly because of the season - Christmas is for kids and there is little time left to debrief with myself and set new goals of the coming years. But, it's also because I feel on task; and as long as I continue to seek out the path that serves me and respects me I know that I can have a happy and fulfilling life. I am progressing and this "new year" doesn't feel like much of a milestone at all. Having said that, yes...I do with I was younger. I so wish that it didn't take so long for me to get good at life because I do feel time licking at my heels. 40. If I get my way I'll have at least another good 60 years of living, loving, learning and experiencing. Onward and upward.

pinnacle

Since my last run of injuries (pun intended) I have had to face the fact that I need to be cross-training if I want to continue to run 50-70k per week. When I had to give up running for a month in October I naturally went to swimming because any other option involved going to the gym. I don't love it, but given the right conditions, a lane to myself and the deep end of the pool, I can get into a nice flow (again, intended) and the hour will pass quickly. I find my mind wanders the same way it does when I run, maybe a little differently because swimming is so completely rhythmic. The breathing every third stroke, kicking in continuous cadence, hit the wall, turn, repeat. Every once in a while I sign up for a reciprocal session that our local rec centre has with a local hotel and use their pool to swim laps in the middle of the week. There are pro's to this, only 6 people can register so you are pretty much guaranteed a lane to yourself and the scenery from the pool is a stunning view over the water to downtown. The con's are that the pool is dirty, shallow and kept too warm for real athletic swimming. What I love most about it though are the other swimmers. They are all seniors. They chat in the change room about lovely things and about their swimming and life. My favourite woman has got to be close to seventy, she swims three times a week for 50 minutes and has done for 15 years. One day she got stuck in her jacket because her zipper got caught and she couldn't get it open with her arthritic hands. She took the jacket off over her head, put on her suit and hit the pool. She's got moxy.

I know money can't buy happiness. I know this. The thing is, I need money to buy the freedom to explore all the things I want to explore. A lottery win would be great right about now. There are so many places I want to go, so many things I want to do...I would say that maybe this a condition of being '40' except that I've always been this way. Honestly, I find it surprising that I'm still this way since I always assumed that the drive to keep trying new things would dissipate with age. So, Santa, there's my Christmas wish - a moderate lottery win. Think you can do it?

i run far

So. I did it. I ran the race. Despite being injured leading up to it and despite not acheiving my training goals completely, and despite being absolutely terrified to try it at all, I did it. I ran 50km in 6 hours and 23 minutes. That's 7 minutes faster than my goal time! It was so fun and so painful and so scary and so overwhelming that I still haven't really been able to process all my thoughts around the experience. One thing that I do know is that immediately upon finishing the race I said to myself, "never again". I told myself that I would never run anything over 25 km again. One day later I was already surfing net for next years 50km race and starting to wonder...could I manage 50 miles?? This sport is so addictive!

On my way home now. The race was on Saturday. I spent Sunday drinking Peets coffee and doing a bike tour of San Francisco. Monday, I toured around North Beach, Chinatown, the Wharf and then caught an evening flight to LA. Spent Tuesday leisurely running the beach from Santa Monica pier to Marina Del Rey and then window shopping in the ritzy Santa Monica promenade. Today, cruised the beach boardwalks on a bike and then finally had a nap before catching a late flight home to Van. It's been a real whirlwind, but also exactly what I needed for this trip to be. I feel like I've been reborn and like I can slough off all the shit from the past year now and move on with a clean slate. Is a really great feeling.

Next up is the big birthday. I have been promising myself all year that I would make some solid and attainable goals for 2015 after the race. That I would get going on a new 7 year plan. I am working on it. Things that I need to keep reminding myself are that it's okay to be scared, it's okay not to know what I'm doing or where I'm going (flying blind for a while is okay), it's okay to be vulnerable and it's okay to ask for help. Progress is all I can hope for...onward and upward!!