hitting the wall
Wow, re-reading my journals and the blog posts over the past few months I wonder, "how the f*** did I miss what was going on???"
I haven't run without pain since the end of April. I ran through the pain, week after week, mile after mile. I even signed up for another race and started another training plan that would hopefully allow me to improve my time significantly. I got through the first two weeks and then, after an 18km run with excruciating pain, I got sidelined. That was over 3 weeks ago and I still can't run. Actually, I can't even walk.
It's been interesting to observe the decline of my mental and emotional state over the past three weeks. I knew running was important, but I didn't realise how addicted I really am to the chemical component of it. I'll find out this week more about what I've actually done. The suspicion is that it's a stress fracture in my femur. That is an 8-12 week recovery with a complete zero return to running. That means when I get cleared to start back I will be a beginner again. It also means no running for the entire summer. And, depending on the severity, it could mean a few weeks of crutches.
I thought my darkest days were behind me for this year. I thought that I was going to have this big exhale this summer as I slid into the normalised life after all the upheaval. But, it would appear that the second half of this year is actually where the real test of my mettle will occur. Maybe this is a good thing. If I can't rely on my body to escape and cope with everything then I'm going to have to rely on my mind. I'm going to have to face everything and practice acceptance, bravery and compassion with myself. Gratitude, grace, humility, and respect. Everything is as it should be. I can do this.
I haven't run without pain since the end of April. I ran through the pain, week after week, mile after mile. I even signed up for another race and started another training plan that would hopefully allow me to improve my time significantly. I got through the first two weeks and then, after an 18km run with excruciating pain, I got sidelined. That was over 3 weeks ago and I still can't run. Actually, I can't even walk.
It's been interesting to observe the decline of my mental and emotional state over the past three weeks. I knew running was important, but I didn't realise how addicted I really am to the chemical component of it. I'll find out this week more about what I've actually done. The suspicion is that it's a stress fracture in my femur. That is an 8-12 week recovery with a complete zero return to running. That means when I get cleared to start back I will be a beginner again. It also means no running for the entire summer. And, depending on the severity, it could mean a few weeks of crutches.
I thought my darkest days were behind me for this year. I thought that I was going to have this big exhale this summer as I slid into the normalised life after all the upheaval. But, it would appear that the second half of this year is actually where the real test of my mettle will occur. Maybe this is a good thing. If I can't rely on my body to escape and cope with everything then I'm going to have to rely on my mind. I'm going to have to face everything and practice acceptance, bravery and compassion with myself. Gratitude, grace, humility, and respect. Everything is as it should be. I can do this.
posted by wattlebla at 10:25
