have not been blogging...

So this will be either very brief, but pregnant with subtext, or very verbose and devoid of substance. I don't hit middle ground well :)

The last time I posted here I was still on crutches. I was still pool running (faaaaaaaack, I hate pool running), still trying to negotiate my day-to-day life without the full use of my body. That was back then, this is now. I do try and remember how I felt throughout the summer. Sometimes I will remind myself while jumping out of the car to effortlessly get groceries, or running back up the stairs to get something that I forgot, just how challenging life was for me on crutches. Not even considering the emotional strain that the injury imposed, the physical side of it was incredibly demanding and I'm so grateful to be able bodied again.

The past two years have been the most challenging and rewarding of my life. I have never before allowed myself to experience the joy of taking risks, scaring myself, pushing myself the way I have. I have never before allowed myself to believe that I could accomplish what I dreamed of, to rise to my own expectations. Along the way I have had to learn how to be kind to myself though, it is still my biggest challenge.

I have some big plans for this year. Running races, growing as a parent, completing my last year of school...and all of this while having an eye on the future, sort of. Recently a friend asked me what my plans are for the future; I spent several days afterward sleepless and anxiety ridden wondering, what AM I going to do...who will I be? After much reflection I came to the wonderful conclusion that I am not a future planner, and I'm okay with that. I like flow, and when I allow flow to carry me it never disappoints. So for now, and maybe for my forever, I chose to live for today and treat every present moment like it is the future. After all, how we spend our days is how we spend our lives.